Sorry, Disney, but Target is the Happiest Place on Earth

Errands usually suck with kids, but I am giddy when I run out of razor blades.  Why?  Because Target is like a free vacation!  Well, not free, exactly.  Only the few make it out of Target having spent less than $100, and they've really missed all the fun.  I'm not alone in this sentiment, either.  I see the women there, smiling away at their children, renewed by the options that reveal themselves with each new aisle.  Laundry detergent has never been so appealing!  Ooh, "Fresh Dewey Meadow" - I've never tried THAT scent of Tide.  Thrilling.  Is that a new tampon box design?  Two, please!

What is it about this weird & wonderful place that can bring such joy to the stay-at-home mom?  I suspect bribery is a big part of it.  "Okay, Ignatius, Mommy needs some deodorant.  If you're a good boy, you can have some candy!"  This is folly, of course, since you'll never get out of Target without shoving candy in the kid's face, but I'm not here to judge.  Usually I am, but that's not the point of this post (for a change.)  Some moms just need a change of scenery, and Target provides that with so many easy ways to claim the trip as a necessity.  "But, honey, we needed toilet paper...except the 1,000 rolls that remain from my last trip to Costco."  But Costco is a whole different post.

Target is at its best, by far, when there is a holiday coming.  And they are really good at coming up with holidays for which we didn't even know we needed preparation.  I am a sucker for Halloween.  Can't get enough of the decorations, the candy.  Well, I guess that's about it - decorations & candy.  I think the Halloween addiction stems from my formative years when I always had strep throat.  I'm not kidding.  By the time they finally removed my tonsils when I was 17, the doctor asked to keep them because he'd never seen tonsils so big & messed up.  So I was sick all the time with strep, and feel like I missed multiple Halloweens because of it.  I remember laying on the living room floor watching The Muppet Halloween special in my pj's, hating every kid who got to ring the doorbell.  Traumatic for a kid that thought trick-or-treating was the best thing ever.  This Halloween addiction reached a fever pitch when my younger son was born the day before Halloween.  I now must entertain for his birthday right before Halloween, so our house obviously needs to look like The Munsters just let us move in for the day.

While I am very adept at coming up with reasons I needed to go to Target, made that much easier when my Target got groceries, even I am running out of excuses to see what string of lights I may need to add to the railing or glow-in-the-dark spider webbing that I can add to a corner somewhere.  Plus they have now brilliantly added adorable Halloween attire for toddlers, kids & even pets. How do I resist the Frankenstein T-shirt & skeleton hoodie?  I don't, of course.  Halloween-themed pajamas?  How did I survive without them as a child?  It was practically neglect!  I have spider (2 kinds), skeleton & pumpkin lights.  Let's be honest - the purple LED lights are so cool!  Pretty soon I'll have the full-sized animatronic ghosts & witches on my front porch.  Dear God.  I openly admit my addiction, and am choosing to celebrate is as good parenting - making Halloween fun for the kids.

This is all well and good, but there is a new problem.  Now they're coming out with Thanksgiving lights.  Quick, I need to go check & see if we're out of paper towels - after all, I only have one light-up turkey... so far.